Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Our private moments are the only moments that I could hold you close to me, feel you in my arms, look at you right through your beautiful eyes.
Baby, there are reasons to my actions and I believe that I've been fair on both aspect, words and actions. Both have been equally expressed to you and kept you secure, without worries. I want your expressions, in either aspect. I can't live in assumptions forever. The only thing that I've been surviving on all this while when we are together are my assumptions that you love me and not on reality that, maybe you love me, maybe you don't. I don't know.
Should one day my words were taken away from me, my actions speaks for itself and should one day my actions were taken away from me, my words will expressed my feelings, my thoughts. I comprehend entirely on your nature, your reserved and shy nature however, to make this works, we have to give in, making exceptions, sacrifice. The way I see us, I believe it so much that we can go to a higher level, if you are ready, whenever you are ready. We have the potential, it's just waiting for you. I'm not looking at us in a playful kind of relationship but in a manner of a serious one.
" The foundation of a relationship is knowing that the other party love you "
Don't turn me into a cold hearted individual who see nothing on the aspect of love. That's the reason why I posted that image and I'd hope you'd understand. It's turning cold because there's no warmth, from you...
Baby, there are reasons to my actions and I believe that I've been fair on both aspect, words and actions. Both have been equally expressed to you and kept you secure, without worries. I want your expressions, in either aspect. I can't live in assumptions forever. The only thing that I've been surviving on all this while when we are together are my assumptions that you love me and not on reality that, maybe you love me, maybe you don't. I don't know.
Should one day my words were taken away from me, my actions speaks for itself and should one day my actions were taken away from me, my words will expressed my feelings, my thoughts. I comprehend entirely on your nature, your reserved and shy nature however, to make this works, we have to give in, making exceptions, sacrifice. The way I see us, I believe it so much that we can go to a higher level, if you are ready, whenever you are ready. We have the potential, it's just waiting for you. I'm not looking at us in a playful kind of relationship but in a manner of a serious one.
" The foundation of a relationship is knowing that the other party love you "
Don't turn me into a cold hearted individual who see nothing on the aspect of love. That's the reason why I posted that image and I'd hope you'd understand. It's turning cold because there's no warmth, from you...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
-sigh-
another day goes by...
Which one I am, I can choose to be
another day goes by...
A normal man is shaped by his environment.
A good man makes changes to his life so that the environment works to his advantage.
A determined man discards the depressing environment to change his life.
A great man labours all his life to change his environment for the better.
Which one I am, I can choose to be
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
all this while, I've never done things without a reason. there's always one but there's a slight problem, I don't state them.
baby, when I realised I fell in love with you, I couldn't find a reason why. i didn't like you because of the way you look, the way you dressed or the way you carry yourself. but I noticed you when I found out the way you see things, the way you think. I've always have a knack for what's within the mind and not body.
remember those 3 days we spent together when before I had to be away for a mth? Remember how we cherished those times? we had each other to the max cause we know we'd be missing each other's presence while I'm away. I missed those times, and I wish that 3 days didn't end.
When you said yes when I popped the question if you'd like to fill the void in my heart, I couldn't forget the feelings, the rush, the moment. I saw things differently before I met you, I see the female species as professional liars and trusting them is a wrong thing to do, it would be hurtful. I was betrayed before and scars don't fade when they heal, they leave an impression.
This impression is the reason why I'm this way. You are not a rebound, I was entirely out of love when we met, I was cold before you came. I'm this way because of experience. Bit by bit I've been letting my guard down, trusting you more and more. If by now you haven't been trusting me enough, so do I. Time is of the essence here, and from time to time, these small incident has led me to believe, I can trust you, I can believe in you, us.
Don't quit now. It took me a while to realised you're an ice princess and in turn helps me to understand bit by bit the nature of you, the reason why you don't speak of your feelings. It's then, I learnt that I can't judge your love for me by words but by actions. You know this has helps us to bring down quarrels to zero when we are out. I'm protective of you, because of my love for you. Even if you are someone firm in your heart, troubles that might hit you won't give a thought on that manner. I'm just trying not to put us in a situation where we betrayed each other's trust. You may see other guys as friends totally and nothing more but what makes you think the others guys won't see you in a similar manner. I trust you won't want to see issue where I have to intervene and matters become bigger and more serious. What we see upon others may not necessarily be what others see upon us, this is reality.
Don't see this small quarrels as a negative, see it in a positive manner. It has helps us to understand a lot more of each others nature. Some things cannot be told, can only be learn. I gave you my word, I'll never even raise my voice at you and I believe you've never seen me done so. The level of security that I gave you, has made you never to doubt my feelings, my faithfulness towards you.
Give us a chance baby, a chance to iron every issue that we have. Similarities is an instant hit but loses out on the long road. There's still so much we can venture out of each other.
-sigh-
we need more time to get used to the way we do things. I love you baby... I'm protective of you because I love you and I want our relationship to work, not because I'm a control freak. Trust me, when insecurities have been iron out, things will escalate better and not worse.
Think about it, Rome wasn't built in a day...
baby, when I realised I fell in love with you, I couldn't find a reason why. i didn't like you because of the way you look, the way you dressed or the way you carry yourself. but I noticed you when I found out the way you see things, the way you think. I've always have a knack for what's within the mind and not body.
remember those 3 days we spent together when before I had to be away for a mth? Remember how we cherished those times? we had each other to the max cause we know we'd be missing each other's presence while I'm away. I missed those times, and I wish that 3 days didn't end.
When you said yes when I popped the question if you'd like to fill the void in my heart, I couldn't forget the feelings, the rush, the moment. I saw things differently before I met you, I see the female species as professional liars and trusting them is a wrong thing to do, it would be hurtful. I was betrayed before and scars don't fade when they heal, they leave an impression.
This impression is the reason why I'm this way. You are not a rebound, I was entirely out of love when we met, I was cold before you came. I'm this way because of experience. Bit by bit I've been letting my guard down, trusting you more and more. If by now you haven't been trusting me enough, so do I. Time is of the essence here, and from time to time, these small incident has led me to believe, I can trust you, I can believe in you, us.
Don't quit now. It took me a while to realised you're an ice princess and in turn helps me to understand bit by bit the nature of you, the reason why you don't speak of your feelings. It's then, I learnt that I can't judge your love for me by words but by actions. You know this has helps us to bring down quarrels to zero when we are out. I'm protective of you, because of my love for you. Even if you are someone firm in your heart, troubles that might hit you won't give a thought on that manner. I'm just trying not to put us in a situation where we betrayed each other's trust. You may see other guys as friends totally and nothing more but what makes you think the others guys won't see you in a similar manner. I trust you won't want to see issue where I have to intervene and matters become bigger and more serious. What we see upon others may not necessarily be what others see upon us, this is reality.
Don't see this small quarrels as a negative, see it in a positive manner. It has helps us to understand a lot more of each others nature. Some things cannot be told, can only be learn. I gave you my word, I'll never even raise my voice at you and I believe you've never seen me done so. The level of security that I gave you, has made you never to doubt my feelings, my faithfulness towards you.
Give us a chance baby, a chance to iron every issue that we have. Similarities is an instant hit but loses out on the long road. There's still so much we can venture out of each other.
-sigh-
we need more time to get used to the way we do things. I love you baby... I'm protective of you because I love you and I want our relationship to work, not because I'm a control freak. Trust me, when insecurities have been iron out, things will escalate better and not worse.
Think about it, Rome wasn't built in a day...
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Depression - I'm depressed and I can't seem to help it. I know the solution, at least 3/4 of it to solve my problems but even when I'm trying to solve, my mind keeps worrying. Anyone that I tried to talk to, doesn't gives me assurance but questions my solution methods or questions me back with answerless questions in return.
Some say I think too much and it's been a while and I'm still trying not to think too much but no, things keeps popping inside my head, demanding answers! I've tried to live day by day without much thoughts for tomorrow but tomorrow keeps demanding answers. To makes matters worse, there's like no one that I could turn to, to help me cope. Whoever I ask, will only gives me more depressing answers. There's still some people left for me to turn to but problem is, I don't know if these people could help. My GF, my Mum, my elder sister, these are my last resort before I guess I have to turn to professional help. I'm trying to forget to worries with turning to work and making me busy or entertaining my sweetheart but I know, I can only elude from problems for so long before reality catches up! :(
Insomnia - Problems with sleeping, even if I manage to catch my 40 winks, it will only last a maximum of 6 hours, barely. Whenever I lie down, worries run through my head, making me linger into black hole, going nowhere. Worse when I'm about to fall asleep, feeling of worry will make me awake suddenly. The only way I could make myself fall asleep is when I tire myself out which I'm half unable to do cause I can't concentrate fully with my worries troubling me.
-sigh- Why was I brought back from my near death experience? What am I fated to be? I tried to be what I want to be but there's so many obstacles and I'm weary from overcoming them. I'll never give up for sure but I know there's only so much I can take before my minds gives way and I go nuts...
Some say I think too much and it's been a while and I'm still trying not to think too much but no, things keeps popping inside my head, demanding answers! I've tried to live day by day without much thoughts for tomorrow but tomorrow keeps demanding answers. To makes matters worse, there's like no one that I could turn to, to help me cope. Whoever I ask, will only gives me more depressing answers. There's still some people left for me to turn to but problem is, I don't know if these people could help. My GF, my Mum, my elder sister, these are my last resort before I guess I have to turn to professional help. I'm trying to forget to worries with turning to work and making me busy or entertaining my sweetheart but I know, I can only elude from problems for so long before reality catches up! :(
Insomnia - Problems with sleeping, even if I manage to catch my 40 winks, it will only last a maximum of 6 hours, barely. Whenever I lie down, worries run through my head, making me linger into black hole, going nowhere. Worse when I'm about to fall asleep, feeling of worry will make me awake suddenly. The only way I could make myself fall asleep is when I tire myself out which I'm half unable to do cause I can't concentrate fully with my worries troubling me.
-sigh- Why was I brought back from my near death experience? What am I fated to be? I tried to be what I want to be but there's so many obstacles and I'm weary from overcoming them. I'll never give up for sure but I know there's only so much I can take before my minds gives way and I go nuts...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Some interesting lines that I got from a fellow forumer
We, can't change who we are but nobody is stopping us to be what we wanna be.
A normal man is shaped by his environment.
A good man makes changes to his life so that the environment works to his advantage.
A determined man discards the depressing environment to change his life.
A great man labours all his life to change his environment for the better.
We, can't change who we are but nobody is stopping us to be what we wanna be.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Had a great day today despite some hiccups here and there. Went to watched Madagascar 2 and I found out that my baby girl can really laugh! :o
Came home feeling disappointed though, but I have to learn how to accept things the way it is. I love her for what she is, not for what I want her to be. If this is the way she is, then I have to learn to accept it. Everything comes in a package and I opt for unconditional love. But i guess a lil' rant could help me feel better :)
I purposely took her to see cameras to remind her and yeah, she didn't get the hint at all. I just wanna see if she's all hype about have pictures taken with me but unfortunately, i don't think so, judging from situations to situations that we've both come across. I admit I still do get jealous seeing her pictures taken with other guys but what can I do? Understanding and trust in important in a relationship. I'm trying my best to instill that into ours cause I want this to work, with all my heart. I don't mind if my heart stopped beating while we are still together. At least I'll die assuming that she loves me, if not knowing definitely that she loves me.
She told me once,
"I really love you but I do not know how to show it"
The answer is simple, affection and intimacy. These are the 2 apart from trust and understanding that makes a relationship strong and lasting, loving and with securities.
I've been understanding enough of her shy nature with public affection and I've taken another route instead, enjoying our bus ride home. This is the few moments where we could be together out of public eyes as she wants it. But no, I don't think she's aware of it. Affection and intimacy cannot be forced, it won't be called love then.
When we are out, I feel like I'm out with a friend, but there's only so much I can do. Tell her about it? Pointless, things won't change.
All I know, I love her entirely. I've always been honest and treat her with respect over her dos and donts. With this, I believe we can make it. The rest is up to her and our fate together...
Came home feeling disappointed though, but I have to learn how to accept things the way it is. I love her for what she is, not for what I want her to be. If this is the way she is, then I have to learn to accept it. Everything comes in a package and I opt for unconditional love. But i guess a lil' rant could help me feel better :)
I purposely took her to see cameras to remind her and yeah, she didn't get the hint at all. I just wanna see if she's all hype about have pictures taken with me but unfortunately, i don't think so, judging from situations to situations that we've both come across. I admit I still do get jealous seeing her pictures taken with other guys but what can I do? Understanding and trust in important in a relationship. I'm trying my best to instill that into ours cause I want this to work, with all my heart. I don't mind if my heart stopped beating while we are still together. At least I'll die assuming that she loves me, if not knowing definitely that she loves me.
She told me once,
"I really love you but I do not know how to show it"
The answer is simple, affection and intimacy. These are the 2 apart from trust and understanding that makes a relationship strong and lasting, loving and with securities.
I've been understanding enough of her shy nature with public affection and I've taken another route instead, enjoying our bus ride home. This is the few moments where we could be together out of public eyes as she wants it. But no, I don't think she's aware of it. Affection and intimacy cannot be forced, it won't be called love then.
When we are out, I feel like I'm out with a friend, but there's only so much I can do. Tell her about it? Pointless, things won't change.
All I know, I love her entirely. I've always been honest and treat her with respect over her dos and donts. With this, I believe we can make it. The rest is up to her and our fate together...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Mmm... is it that I'm having mental issues or is it my expectation simply too high or she bo chup?
It's been like a few days since she got so mad at me, interesting facts I ponder on over a few days ago.
1. When we are planning our outings, dates or whatever it's called, I realised that friends takes priority over me. Fine with me if it's a very important matters to attend to but yeah, I don't quite see the importance. Problem is, if it happens that we have our date on a particular date and her friend happen to ask her out on that day, ours get postponed. I didn't see the vice versa effect otherwise.
2. When we are out, shops that I entered will bore her to death, but hers don't have the same effect on me. Honestly, it's not that it doesn't have, I guess I can relate. The world doesn't revolve around me, I revolve around the world. Fair? Maybe, if I bring her somewhere to sit down and talk matters concerning us, it bores her to death. Good thing is, she's honest about it and tells me straight that she's bored, let's go somewhere interesting. It sure looks like running away from problems and not solving them, hence the frequent bickering over the same issue, everytime.
3. Over our dreaded quarrel sometime back, I posted my problems on a public forum and I got a very interesting points to ponder about,
"if u're mostly ang moh pai, and she's mostly chinese, you sure u guys communicate well? u say when u're out mostly ish u tokking. that sounds like one-way communication. 9 months already she's not said that she loves u. not that it's a criteria la, but after so long, how sure are you about her feelings? u sure she's not with u cos u earning money and being a roberto?"
this particular post makes me wonder, is she really that shy that it gets priority over her feelings for me? I even simplified the question into a "yes" or "no" question and she still won't answer me directly. She once said that she only speaks of stuff that comes from her heart on relationship concerning matters. if that's the case, she's refusing to say it out because she's shy or is the above quoted sentence true? I might never know...
4. I was asked, "why are you so insecure about and don't trust me...". It was very interesting that I was asked this question by her but it seems that answer falls over deaf ears.
Even before our dating stage, I was looked upon as a guy that doesn't provide any sense of security. It changed definitely after we got together, evidently cause I asked her about it and I got a positive answer. I went great extend to make her feel secure. Now problem is, in return I didn't get any feelings of securities, nothing. I've yet to see her trying, and honestly, I didn't see even a start of it.
Same shit when I ask her face to face, no answer and a turn of the head. I asked tricked questions like
" are you pissed if I flirt with another girl "
" what if the girls flirts with me "
and the answers that I get are simply outrageous.
" I'll just break off with you "
I would've preferred
" why would you flirt? aren't we attached? aren't you my bf? "
but yeah, no I didn't get such answers.
I'd be damned to say if I'm feeling 0% secure but the percentage of feeling secure is only like 10%? Knowing the fact that her thoughts works on logic and our intimate moments are the only thing that makes me feel secure but unfortunately, sense of securities are best fed from time to time and instead of getting fed, I get deprived! Right now, I'm just assuming blindly that she loves me, without any evidence, without any proof, without any words of assurance. I might wake up from being ignorant, but I don't actually think she cares.
Every single say, I ask myself what I did to deserve this. Fortunately, I'm a man of my word, I gave my word, I'll love her unconditionally, wholeheartedly. I'll never lie nor will I cheat on her and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. The world is round, what you do to hurt others, will eventually comes back to you.
I'm not complaining here, just ranting...
It's been like a few days since she got so mad at me, interesting facts I ponder on over a few days ago.
1. When we are planning our outings, dates or whatever it's called, I realised that friends takes priority over me. Fine with me if it's a very important matters to attend to but yeah, I don't quite see the importance. Problem is, if it happens that we have our date on a particular date and her friend happen to ask her out on that day, ours get postponed. I didn't see the vice versa effect otherwise.
2. When we are out, shops that I entered will bore her to death, but hers don't have the same effect on me. Honestly, it's not that it doesn't have, I guess I can relate. The world doesn't revolve around me, I revolve around the world. Fair? Maybe, if I bring her somewhere to sit down and talk matters concerning us, it bores her to death. Good thing is, she's honest about it and tells me straight that she's bored, let's go somewhere interesting. It sure looks like running away from problems and not solving them, hence the frequent bickering over the same issue, everytime.
3. Over our dreaded quarrel sometime back, I posted my problems on a public forum and I got a very interesting points to ponder about,
"if u're mostly ang moh pai, and she's mostly chinese, you sure u guys communicate well? u say when u're out mostly ish u tokking. that sounds like one-way communication. 9 months already she's not said that she loves u. not that it's a criteria la, but after so long, how sure are you about her feelings? u sure she's not with u cos u earning money and being a roberto?"
this particular post makes me wonder, is she really that shy that it gets priority over her feelings for me? I even simplified the question into a "yes" or "no" question and she still won't answer me directly. She once said that she only speaks of stuff that comes from her heart on relationship concerning matters. if that's the case, she's refusing to say it out because she's shy or is the above quoted sentence true? I might never know...
4. I was asked, "why are you so insecure about and don't trust me...". It was very interesting that I was asked this question by her but it seems that answer falls over deaf ears.
Even before our dating stage, I was looked upon as a guy that doesn't provide any sense of security. It changed definitely after we got together, evidently cause I asked her about it and I got a positive answer. I went great extend to make her feel secure. Now problem is, in return I didn't get any feelings of securities, nothing. I've yet to see her trying, and honestly, I didn't see even a start of it.
Same shit when I ask her face to face, no answer and a turn of the head. I asked tricked questions like
" are you pissed if I flirt with another girl "
" what if the girls flirts with me "
and the answers that I get are simply outrageous.
" I'll just break off with you "
I would've preferred
" why would you flirt? aren't we attached? aren't you my bf? "
but yeah, no I didn't get such answers.
I'd be damned to say if I'm feeling 0% secure but the percentage of feeling secure is only like 10%? Knowing the fact that her thoughts works on logic and our intimate moments are the only thing that makes me feel secure but unfortunately, sense of securities are best fed from time to time and instead of getting fed, I get deprived! Right now, I'm just assuming blindly that she loves me, without any evidence, without any proof, without any words of assurance. I might wake up from being ignorant, but I don't actually think she cares.
Every single say, I ask myself what I did to deserve this. Fortunately, I'm a man of my word, I gave my word, I'll love her unconditionally, wholeheartedly. I'll never lie nor will I cheat on her and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. The world is round, what you do to hurt others, will eventually comes back to you.
I'm not complaining here, just ranting...
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